Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a Spider
who sat down beside her...
and she ate him too..

Mary had a little Lamb,
It followed her to school,
They tied a brick around its neck
And drowned it in the pool.

Little boy blew....................He​ needed the money

jack and jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with 2.50.. the dirty whore


mary had a little lamb...
that will teach her to sleep in the barn!

I love you
You love me
Barney gave me HIV
It started with a kiss
but then he wanted more,
damn that horny dinosaur

Mary had a little lamb
she also had a bear.
I wonder why nobody talks about the bear??????

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.
She had so many kids her uterus fell out!!!

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a plasma TV,
a CD player, a cell phone,
an ipod, and an Xbox 360.
Mary was a spoiled little girl

Georgie Porgy, pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Twinkle twinkle little snout,
how I wander what ur not,
pull u out,
let you dry,
you'll b a booger by and by

Hey diddle diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he
He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl
And now I guess we know about Old King Cole!

Mary had a little watch
she swallowed it one day
and so she took some Epsom salts
to pass the time away
But though she tried, and tried, and tried
...she couldn't make time pass
So if you want to know the time
just look up Mary's...
...uncle in the Yellow Pages. He sells watches.

A strapping young pirate named Bates
once tried to disco on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
and now he is nutless
and practically useless on dates.

Little Miss Muffett
sat on a tuffett
covered in gasoline
along came a spider
with a butane lighter
and blew her to smithereens

They're once was a man from nass, his balls were made out of brass, when he rubbed them together they played stormy weather and lightning shot out his ass!!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Thanks to a litigious culture, and a legal vulture
Humpty Dumpty made a big score

Little Bo peep has lost her sheep
And doesn't know where to find them.
She didn’t know about the foot and mouth
Or that the farmer had to burn them

Hey I found a website that showed how all these nursery rhymes came about in the first place. Kinda of neat. most of them were political satires.
http://thereisnospace.blog​spot.com/2007/07/nursery-r​hymes-simply-childs-play.h​tml