I sit here wandering how to write this post! It appears that we have been held captive by the cell phone companies. We are at their mercy and are forced to live in the world that they create for us. Many years ago we saw in color and 4D images. Now we see in pixels and 4G's! The other day as we had dinner out with friends, we all quietly pulled out our phones and joked on Facebook. Yes we are addicted. We are hungry for our quick fix. So that is why they decided to create the contract. The contract was created by a woman who had successfully been married for many years. She knew how to suck the life out of any man. She knew in order to have someone at your mercy you have to have something that they want more than anything. At first you let them have unlimited use and then once they have to have it; you cut them down to a limited number every month. You are faced with many options. If you pick the shiniest one with all the big gadgets then you are prolly gonna pay more. There are other ones that don’t have all the gadgets and they seem to cost a little less. However you never know how one is going to hold up until you get it and have signed the contract. Yep women figured out once that contract is signed they are not only in control, they will get paid if you decided to quit the contract early! That is when you pay the high price to buy out of the uh contract! Don't think that they didn't also use the kid factor for phones too. That is commonly called the add extra lines clause. You add an extra line but you will pay extra for it each month too and if you quit the contract you have to pay a fee for each line that you have! My gosh they are mad geniuses. They have the world at their fingertips and know it! So be very careful the next phone you pick out. Treat it kindly and it will last you many years. Always stay in your contract and never ask to text too much!! LMBO I may be cut off from texting after my wife reads this but it sure was funny!

Massacre at Barbie Hill

I can remember it like it was this morning. I was crouched in the hallway rocking back and forth as Tesa entered the room. She was saying something, but I couldn’t quite understand the words coming out of her mouth. I wanted to answer her, I tried to answer her, but nothing was happening. My mind was whirling from the images that will forever haunt me. The smell…The stench still clung to my nostrils as I gasped and tried to free my lungs of the atrocities that had filled it. Then either the lights flickered or I had lost consciousness. Maybe I should back up a few years. This story must be told from the beginning. There are two separate and defining events that sparked this disaster. The first happened on September 18th in the year of 2007 and then again on April 7th two years later. Two fireballs of deception where born unto my wife. One was black headed and skinny as a rail while the other was blond and skinny as three rails. Together they ruled their small kingdom located at the end of the hall. They were constantly on edge and kept their palace booby trapped. No one, I mean no one dared enter. I remember sending Ethan in once but after several hours and nothing, I had to send in Tesa to rescue the young lad. He was lucky. We were all lucky. Well I knew the time had come for me to straighten up this mess and on September 13, 2012 the year of our lord, I went into the darkness. Being the proud warrior that I was I carried only the bare necessities. I was armed with a laundry bag, a black trash bag, and I brought the vacuum just in case things took a turn for the worse. First things first I crossed the sea of swarming clothes. Then as I entered closer to the liar, I was astounded by the moat of shoes that guarded the box of toys. This was gonna be my greatest triumph. I started filling the trash bags with snacks past and filled the laundry bag with clothes that I’m pretty sure didn’t even belong to my children. The underwear! Where in the world did they manage to get that many pairs of underwear? When I grew up I had two pair. One for around the house and one for going to town. I promptly changed them out once a month whether I need to or not! Ok maybe not that extreme, but if there is ever a nuclear blast and the world is short on underwear come to my house cause we have stock piles. It was then that I saw it. At the bottom of the floor they were all layed out as they had fallen. I like to call it the Barbie Massacre. Yes it was horrible! I have never heard of this happening before. I’m sure Wikipedia has never even heard of what I saw there before me. It was apparent that while I slept comfortably in my bed sound asleep, a wild group of Vietnamese Communists broke into my home. We were saved by a rag tag group of barbies! And possible one G I Joe that I found taped to the TV. In one corner was the decapitation zone. This was where they took their prisoners and took off their heads one by one. Then in another corner was the red zone. This was where all the bloody or red nail polished dolls were cast aside. In the middle was where the major action took place. I remember seeing the arms and legs scattered everywhere and I will never forget the two headed Barbie. She must have been killed because she was different! I wondered how they had fought. And I also wandered why they had fought naked cause their clothes where nowhere to be found. I guess some things will never be answered and history has one more secret that will forever evade us. I believe the cat had decided that their room was a close twin of his arch enemy the litter box and he took his aggression and number two’s out on the closet. I’m sure gonna miss that cat…… I finished up my duties and stumbled into the hall and fell to my knees. It’s always afterward that the constant stress finally builds up and exits your body. I can remember it like it was this morning. I was crouched in the hallway rocking back and forth as Tesa entered the room. She was saying something, but I couldn’t quite understand the words coming out of her mouth. I wanted to answer her, I tried to answer her, but nothing was happening. My mind was whirling from the images that will forever haunt me. The smell…The stench still clung to my nostrils as I gasped and tried to free my lungs of the atrocities that had filled it. Then either the lights flickered or I had lost consciousness.

Highways

Life is full of up and downs. I have found that it most resembles a highway and the roughness of it all depends on you. You can take the smooth straight road and be safer, but there is very little excitement or scenery. There is an interstate you can take, but in doing so you will bypass parts of life. I prefer to drive on those curvy bumpy hilly two lane roads where the action is. This journey will take you through the best places and the worst. There may even be times when you have to get out and push or even drive backwards, but it is not about the destination but the journey. I have no idea where my destination will be and I’m really not sure how I’m going to get there. I remember one time a friend had a bright idea of taking the old route 66 to Las Vegas. During the trip there were many mishaps including a short layover in Albuquerque, NM. Looking back I had a blast on that trip and have more pictures of that trip than anywhere else we have been. I once swam with the sharks in the Bahamas while I was sick to my stomach and trying not to hurl which one chum the water. I bought a motorcycle one night while drinking some cold drinks. It took several days before I worked up the nerve to ride it and I will never forget the day I missed the road and collided with a stop sign on that thing. I could go on and on but my point should be clear by now. Years later you will not remember those good days when everything went perfect. Those days when nothing really happened. You will only remember those horrible days when you cussed and threw a fit because it was unexpected. If fact you will treasure those memories for the rest of your life.

Black Bandits

For those who know me, they know that four years ago I was fortunate enough to get to go to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I wasn’t going for the sights, or the entertainment. I went to meet some of the best people that I will ever know. I met a group of people that set the standard on what it is like to be an American. I left there knowing that these men had sacrificed everything to have everything. They were soldiers!
Every year in September a Wiley group of helicopter pilots, their crew chiefs, and their accomplices meet up to celebrate a time in their life when they were fighting for each other’s lives. They didn’t fight for themselves, they fought for the guy standing next to them. They flew into places that nowadays would be considered suicide. No wasn’t an option for them and turning back was unheard of. They were simply soldiers doing what needed to be done.
I am proud to call one of these fine pilots my father and I am proud to meet the men that served with him. I am proud to know the men that flew beside him to protect him and all the men on the ground. They didn’t brag one bit when I met them, instead they took the time to brag on the person that stood next to them. I believe my older brother and I were delighted that we could be sight see’ers for this awesome spectacle. They were everything that we hoped to be.
As Rick and I left there we both knew we wanted to come back. We knew we were destined to tell the stories we heard. My one hope was that my young son could be able to meet these men and understand what they stood for and what they did for their country. This year we planned our family vacation to coincide with their reunion. Even though my son is only 10, I hope that when he is old enough to understand that he was part of something great. That he was able to be part of something that forever will be in the hearts and minds of my father and his comrades. So one day he can say that out of all the great things and great places he has been that in September of 2012 he met Black Bandits!
God bless you Lt. Colonel Larry Charles Hall, the Black Bandits, and every person that fought beside or with these great men!

The Highway Elf

Many moons ago when the earth was flat, Santa wasn’t always what he appeared to be. Santa used to be a thief. All through the land everyone feared the end of the year. They knew that there was that one night of the year when that little fat bandit would break into their homes and steal everything they had. He would steal knives, clubs, silverware, and anything of value. There was even that one year that the young maiden Vicky claimed he stole her virginity! Although that one has been disputed several times. There was only one way to keep the little obese sucker away. You had to leave alcohol and food out for him. It was common knowledge that Santa loved his brew. If you could get him drunk enough he would forget what he was doing and pass out somewhere for the remainder of the night. So at night they would leave out a bottle of home brew and food. The children were never nestled or tucked in their beds. Cause they were afraid of being peed on again.
One year Santa and Mrs. Clause had a huge fight and Santa went on a 3 day bender! He knew that he only had one night to gather enough loot to support his family for the entire year! Last year when he wrecked halfway through, Mrs. Clause beat him till he was black and blue. So this year he had an idea. He hollered at Obama his favorite elf. Obama wasn’t a native of the North Pole, but had somehow produced a birth certificate that showed he was at least born there. Obama was the go to elf. If Santa needed to fire someone or screw them over, he would send him right over. Obama could not only get the job done, he could make them beg him to do it! He was even known to make them think it was their fault! There was even that one time that Obama had convinced the entire village of elves that since Santa had a bad back and Mrs. Claus couldn’t work because of a felony on her record that they should support them. Well since Santa knew there was only one way he could screw an entire world over in one night he hollered at his boy Obama and they saddled up a couple of Reindeer and took off on their crusade.
Obama wasn’t near as polite as Santa though! He never snuck into a house! He would beat on their door until they woke up! He then made them gather all their stuff up and load it themselves onto the sleigh. But he knew how to accomplish this without a fuss. He told the rich that he was going to take from them to give to the poor. He told the less than rich that they were giving to the poor and then he just took from the poor! Then he found those that had absolutely nothing because they did nothing and gave them a little of what he had. This way he could say he was redistributing the wealth. It was an awesome plan and Santa couldn’t have been happier! That was until the accident!
Santa had more loot than he had expected and it looked like they were gonna finish in record time. Then as they were flying over a remote section of what one day would be called Arkansas, Obama got greedy! He spied a quaint little Indian village below! Obama figured they could swing in there real quick, pretend to be some kind of magic spirit and talk the natives out of their stuff. He was wrong! For this was the earliest branch of rednecks in the world! This was a bunch of wild hard living, hard drinking Indians. When Santa rolled up they gladly welcomed him into their lodge where he was given all the smoke and drink that he could stand! And when they were all toasted Obama jumped up and told them his plan to help out the needy this year and how he wanted all the stuff that they had worked hard for their entire lives. The wily redneck Indian Chief known as “The Duke” had a wonderful idea. He told Obama to back the sleigh up to their storage teepee and they would load him up! Santa was pretty lit and curled up with 3 little chubby squaws so little Obama harnessed up the team and pulled around back! It was then that they caught the little half-wit and tied him to an evergreen tree! They then got all the loot and dropped it down the top of all the teepees in the village. They shot all the reindeer but one! They placed the ole fat Santa on this small ugly reindeer with a red nose and sent him back to where he came from! The villagers had a huge feast on Reindeer and all the children awoke to find toys had been dropped into their home. They all assumed it was Santa who did it because he had been there with a sleigh full of stuff earlier. That was the year that the legend of Santa changed. For the following years Santa would bring them gifts to cover up his horrible secret. It turns out he had sold out Obama in trade for….well lets just say Santa got what he wanted. Right before dawn they lit the tree on fire to get rid of the little half-wit and all the evil he had brought to their village. But he did scream out something that sounded like a chant or maybe it was a curse.
He sang!
I am a Highway elf
On the sky’s I did ride
Many peoples were duped my me
But the basturds burnt me on a Christmas tree
Perhaps I will be an elf again, or a highwayman, sailor, dam builder or star ship pilot.
Or else I may simply be a president
But I will remain
And I'll be back again, and again and again and again and again..

REST IN PEACE MY BROTHERS IN BLUE

Today as the sun rose upon the horizon two brave law enforcement officers kissed their families goodbye and went out into the world. They entered a world that for the most part despises them. They were met by people that have determined law enforcement to be a nuisance. They are like deer to these people. Everyone wants to see one in season, but after that, it just spells disaster on the road. The same falls for the law enforcement officer. He is welcomed with every 911 call, but when seen on the highway people hate them. These guys are glared at and people call them every name in the book behind their backs. It appears maybe they wrote someone a ticket before or maybe arrested someone’s brother or cousin. The officer is considered heartless because how could he dare do the job he is paid to do. The problem is people see these officers writing tickets or breaking up fights, or even taking someone to jail. They do not see them when they roll up to a fatal accident or homicide. They do not see them when they recover someone’s mom, sister, or child out of the raging waters. They do not see the tears that these brave men and women cry into the darkness. After today, they will not see Deputy Rhyne or Officer Crouse doing anything. These two fine law enforcement officers were gunned down for no reason today! They were murdered on American soil by Americans. These murderers then had the audacity to commit suicide directly afterward. It just seems to reason, that if you’re suicidal, just kill yourself. Our brothers in blue do not want to die with you. Even though they have decided to live their lives on the edge, they do not need you to push them off the side. So as each one of you put your children to bed tonight, I want you to think of the children of these officers. Imagine what they must be feeling at this very moment. They were robbed of the most important thing in their entire lives by a thief. Only this time the valuables cannot be returned. So the next time that you see an officer doing what he is supposed to be doing, smile at him, wave at her, or just say thank you. They do not expect that from anyone, but I can imagine it will help them stomach the next bad thing that they must digest at work for you! And let’s not forget our brother in blue Jessie Ricks who dedicated a large part of his life in serving the community! May god watch over his weary soul! RIP

Lets Rebuild Washington

You know I was reading all the statuses about where all the first responders were not invited to the 9/11 reunion and I thought surely this has to be a mistake. It wasn’t. It is true!!!!!! Our leaders suck! I would love to see a good independent run for president! I'm sick of both the democrats and the republicans! There's not much difference in any of them right now!!!
It’s sad when only our big money can afford to run for president or major office. What we need is a good blue blooded American in that office. I don’t care if they have any experience in politics or foreign policy. It all boils down to good ole common sense. Why do we bother sending a representative from Arkansas if all they are going to do in Washington is play politics with their political party? A representative should represent us not some liberal ass politician from Illinois. But sadly if we elect someone that is a democrat, they feel compelled to vote democrat.
I am a registered democrat and usually vote for republican candidates in the main elections! Why? Because I believe in more than just a political party! I believe that we should start asking ourselves who we are voting for. Also why is it costing billions of dollars to run for an office? That money needs spent somewhere else. I say we propose a limit on politicking. I say they all raise a specified amount and get a specified amount of TV, Radio, and speech time. If they can t do it on their own, they shouldn’t be doing it! I believe Americans are sick of the lies, innuendos, and fake speeches. We just want to know that when it comes down to it, our representative is going to vote for us.
There are more middle and lower class Americans than anyone else. If we all sent a few dollars to a good independent candidate, he or she could afford to run against the idiots that are vying for office. By gosh I have not seen one that I would even invite to my house for dinner. If we don’t take a stand now, it will be too late one day! It’s time the Majority stopped being over ran by the minority! I’m not meaning race either, I mean if the majority of people want something, it should be done. Not the minority telling the majority how to do it!!!! Maybe I’m just ranting! lol