Superstitions

Earlier today I was driving around and saw where someone had run over a black cat.  Now cats are pretty quick and usually when they get ran over it is on purpose.  So why would someone run over a defenseless little kitty.  Because if a black cat crosses your path, you will have bad luck.  I figure someone saw the cat run out and they ran over it before it could fully cross their path.  Pretty smart huh!  Uh yeah, if your twisted brain works like mine!  According to the dictionary, Superstition is an irrational belief arising from ignorance or fear. There are superstitions for almost all aspects of our daily lives and most have unknown origins. Sometimes they are logical (for example, don’t walk under a ladder) but most of the time they are ridiculous.  

            I thought I would list a bunch of them and maybe find out why they are so and what we can do to counter act their freakin bad luck.  Growing up I have come across people that will swear by this crazy stuff.  I don’t know if it is my Indian heritage or my redneck heritage, but I feel like I have some of these etched in my brain and I must follow them.  When many of you guys read some of these, your gonna think, this stuff is whack.  Then you'll go about your lives trying to avoid breaking the unspeakable superstitions that control and haunt us.

           

• If you break a mirror, seven years of bad luck will follow. (The way to counter act this is to find someone you don’t like and throw the mirror in their yard.  Not sure if it will break the curse, but it will sure aggravate them!)
• If you drop a fork, a man will come to visit you. (Being the straight guy that I am I got rid of all the forks in the house!)
• If you drop spoon, a woman will come to visit you. (I just dropped two so maybe my old teenage fantasy will come true!!!)
• If a bird flies into your house a death will occur.  (If a bird flies into your house, you should get a couple of pellet guns and some beer.  This could be fun)
• If you sweep under someone's feet, they will never marry. (Ok, how the hell do you sweep under someone's feet)
• If you peel an apple without breaking the peel i.e. cut around the apple so that the peel is in one long piece, you should throw the peel to the ground and if it lands in the shape of a letter of the alphabet then it is the initial of the person you will marry. When you peel an apple say the alphabet and the letter that you are on when the peel breaks is the initial of the person that you will marry.  (Alright if you are depending on an apple to get you a date, you're in trouble.  I would suggest you invest in a hot apple pie instead)
• When your palm itches, you will come into some money. (I don’t think my palm has ever itched, maybe that is why I'm poor!)
• Two deaths in the community will be followed by a third. (Yeah I kinda believe this so every time two people die, I try to be on my best behavior)
• Never say "thank you" when someone gives you a plant or it will die. (And I thought Tesa just couldn’t grow a plant.  It turns out she is just too polite)
• If you carry a hoe in the house, you must carry it out the same door you came in by, or a death will follow. (This one is true.  Tesa once told me if I ever brought a hoe in the house she would kill me!)
• Two things that can come to no good end, a whistling woman and a crowing hen.  (This one is based on fact.  If you notice they both involve females. So basically having a female around will come to no good end)
• If all the food on the table is eaten it will be a clear day tomorrow. OR If all of the biscuits were gone before the next day, the weather would be fair. (Probably more accurate than my weather man and at least now I can have a say in the weather)
• If you start to go somewhere and come back for something you will have bad luck. (This was started by a married man whose wife nagged him every time he forgot something.)
• If you count the number of rigs in a funeral procession you will soon have a death in your own family. (I gotta quit doing that)
• If two forks are laid at a plate with no knife you will be invited to a wedding. (But if two hoes are laid, then you will be invited to a divorce)
• Cats go crazy when a death occurs in their environment and consequently are kept out of the house on such occasions. (They're kept out of the house because their hair sticks to black clothing)
• Never begin a task on a Friday that you can't finish that week, or expect ill. (Just don’t do anything on Fridays..Duh)
• If your ears itch or burn, someone is talking about you. (If your ears itch and burn you either have a wax build up or maybe a STD has spread to your ears.  And if this is happening people probably are talking about you)
• A peculiar noise heard three times in succession at night, means someone will die.  (In the hood, they call those gunshots.  And someone is prolly holding the gun sideways, so it took three shots to hit the sucker)
• If you spilled some salt, you picked some of it up and threw it over your left shoulder to stop bad luck from coming. (Never stand behind someone with Parkinson's)
• When a black cat ran across the road in front of you, you would say BREAD & BUTTER ON MY TABLE, CUT IT WITH A BUTTER KNIFE if you could not turn around and go another way, or bad luck would come to you. (Just run over the cat)
• Dirt was never swept out the front door after the sun went down or bad luck would come to your home. (Buy a steam Mop)
• If a sparrow flew into the home, it had to be killed or someone in the family would die. (Back to my theory on the pellet gun and beer)
• You never walked under a ladder or bad luck would come to you!  (Construction workers are notorious for being nasty people and throwing stuff off the house, I say don’t even go near a house with a ladder)
• You could not step on a crack in the sidewalks, because it would break your mothers back. (There are some hateful kids out there, I mean who really thinks of that)
• If salt was borrowed from anyone, you paid it back with sugar or bad luck would come to you. (Try paying them back money. That is prolly what they wanted anyway)
• A baby was never allowed to look in a mirror before it was a year old or it would die. (UHH, This one is kinda freaky, so I'm leaving it alone)
• You always say so long or I'll see you later, & never goodbye, when leaving family members or you might never see them again. (Thinking about trying this one out! Lol)
• If a woman was pregnant she never went to a funeral or she would mark her baby. (Ok that is just stupid)
• You never tickled a baby's feet because it would make it stutter. (I knew it it wasn’t my my my fault fault!!!)
• If you reach for something high on a shelf while you are with child,you can choke it with the Umbilical cord!!  (Lazy women thought of this one!)
• Rabbits feet are lucky.(Ok lets think about this. The rabbit had them first and he was murdered. So they prolly aint gonna bring you much luck either)
• If a large number of snakes appear, it is bad luck!( No shit Sherlock. Get the heck outta there)
• If you buy shoes for your lover they will walk out of your life. (That is why I keep my wife barefoot and pregnant, She aint left yet!)
• Splitting poles- When you and a friend are walking and one of you goes on the other side of the pole, it's supposed to mean danger will come to one of you. (I guess it is better to push your friend into the pole)
• If you murder your business partner his ghost will haunt you.( No, wait, that was an episode of X-Files. Never mind.)
• Never wash clothes on New Year's Day and always eat black-eyed peas and greens. (Once again women where lazy and anything to get them out of doing laundry or cooking a full meal)
• Don’t put your purse on the floor or you'll go broke. (Yeah but the guy that stole it  will be rich)
• If three people are photographed, the middle person will die first. (Who wants to be the pivot man anyway!)
• If you point to a rainbow with your finger, you're getting a bump on your finger. (And if you pee on one you get herpes.)
• Its bad luck to give someone a knife in their hand, put it on the counter so that they pick it up.(Duh, people got sick of getting stabbed)
• Never close a knife that someone else has opened.(If you do you must cut yourself 3 times or you can cut them)
• If your nose itches, someone wants to kiss you. (Said the nerd with a booger hanging out of his mouth)
•  If the clasp on your necklace has turned to the front, someone is thinking of you. (They're thinking fix your necklace)
• If you find a bunny in your yard, a distant relative will marry a Finnish Diplomat in September.
•  If a spider is in your pants, you will hop around and scream. (Now that one is self explanatory!)